You cannot find yourself, yet you are

Kari Flockoi

There was once a vast, infinite, primordial expanse of unconditional, all-encompassing love and intelligence, a field of ecstasy, stillness, silence, power and potential. Only One love, One, devoid of space, time, or anything created. Nothingness without name, form, or thought.

This Being began to think, I am lonely, let me be many, or put another way, I am sweet, let me taste sweetness.

So a 6-year-old child’s mind began to dream, dreaming of light, exploding itself into infinite parts, infinite possibilities, galaxies, solar systems, planets, space, time, mountains, rivers, streams, flowers, clouds, and all the animals and insects and beings of all the worlds.

This dreamer loved this fun and loved to play. Unconditional Love manifested itself as Light, in a child’s game, in a dreamer’s play. The One now many, became the sense of the Other, for relationship, to experience Itself as love Itself.

So the One became the actors and the players in this game wherein anything goes… in this game wherein Unconditional Love becomes and bears All things… of light and creation and good, bad, up, down, right and wrong.

Everything, possible because of contrast, of opposites… negative, positive, electrons, protons to the way we breathe in and out to the forces that hold the universe together. The great Yin-Yang.

And for fun, again – the One who created the universe forgot that It was the One dreaming itself in this game of light and beauty, forgot that it was a single being of love, infinity, silence, and intelligence.

The belief in separation – from it’s own self, truly believing and convinced that the play was real and that all the other players were separate beings apart from itself, now alone, alone in a sea of confusion, chaos, struggle and despair.

And all the while inside, a hole that seemed to constantly yell out, Home! Home! that simply could not be filled by anything or anyone outside of itself, a constant longing for finding its only true Home.

The nature of Unconditional Love is to have space for all things. A profound openness.

Turning round to see your own face – Can you see your own face? In fact, what you do see before you is the manifest creation. But where are you? Can you find yourself inside yourself? Are you in your ear? Your head? Your heart? No, in fact, you cannot find yourself no matter how hard you try. But you can see others, and the entire universe before you. This is Love, Unconditional Love, space for others and all that is.

You cannot find yourself, yet you are. You are there and you are not there at the same time. You cannot find yourself yet you know you are there in some formless, unfindable, mysterious place, a being without name, without form. Nothingness, Silence, Stillness, and Spaciousness. The One.

Kari Flockoi is a marriage and family therapist (MFT) at Earth Circles Counseling Center. Excerpted from earthcirclescenter.com