Lack of self-acceptance is a fundamental problem

Swami Dayananda Saraswati

There is always a struggle on the part of everyone to be different from what I am, from what one is. And so that attempt to be different itself stems from a self-non-acceptance: all is not well with me, and therefore I have to be different. And in order to be different, we try to manipulate situations to our own likes and dislikes, so that we can be acceptable to ourselves. Therefore all the time one seeks self-acceptance.

This problem is a fundamental problem. Therefore the solution is only in oneself, and it cannot be elsewhere. Because if I am the problem, because I am not acceptable to myself is the problem, therefore I am the problem. If I am the problem, then nobody else is going to be the solution. So I am the solution. And therefore, if I am the problem, then I should see that I am acceptable to myself.

If we can proceed further, any positive thinking is not going to help me, because positive thinking is sometimes good, but then the negative thinking is also as valid. What I don’t have is as true as what I have. Therefore if I look at myself with reference to what I don’t have, what I want to have, I’m going to be depressed.

Therefore, any amount of change on the part of myself is not going to change me fundamentally, because if I am a limited being in my vision, and any change I bring about, any personal embellishment or external changes I bring about, I’ll see myself still a limited being. It’s simple – like a finite sum plus a finite sum is always a finite sum.

The problem is not exactly what I lack. That I lack is the problem. That I’m wanting is the problem. What I want differs from person to person.  The problem is that I want, and that problem is not going to be solved by fulfilling of your wants.

And so, if I’m a finite person, a limited person, a limited being, wanting, no matter what change I bring about in my life, I’m going to be wanting all the time. Therefore the process of becoming is not going to help me.

Perhaps there’s only one solution possible. If by a change I’m not going to be different in my own vision, in my own light, in my self-estimation, I’m going to be wanting, perhaps I am looking at myself wrongly. Perhaps I am not wanting at all. I look at myself wrongly, and then try to solve a problem which is not there. Therefore Vedanta is this – that it wants you to look at yourself, re-examine yourself. So you assume a problem, then afterwards you begin solving. That assumption itself is questioned: Am I wanting? So you question that very fundamental notion about myself – am I wanting?

Excerpted from a conversation with Dr. Jeffrey Mishlove. Courtesy The Intuition Network